Be Courageous

I have always been sensitive. I can remember being mortified in kindergarten because I didn't know how to use scissors. And even though I was reading well beyond my peers, the fact that I couldn't make those stupid things maneuver appropriately, made me so frustrated. And you know what I found myself doing, even then at 5 years old? I found myself acting like scissors were the stupidest things and making jokes about how being good with scissors was stupid. Seriously, at 5 years old...

That behavior followed me through school. If I'm being honest, I can almost guarantee if you asked my husband right now he'd tell you I still struggle with it. Praise God for grace, am I right? And it wasn't just abilities. Feelings, emotions, popularity. The gambit of life was a constant source of anxiety for me. The overwhelming feeling of needing to be perfect. To not have flaws and differences. Drowning under the pressure of needing everyone to like me. Masking every emotion with humor.

And boy did I hate me. I wasn't even sure who "me" was anymore, but I knew that I hated her guts. I've only ever shared with a few people who I've gotten really raw with that there was a point in time where I stopped and thought- I don't even know my favorite color. Because I was a chameleon. I was letting the world tell me who I was and I was adapting to whatever situation was thrown at me. I was fake. I was a liar. I pretended nothing in the world bothered me and I did whatever I could to hurt people who hurt me. And because I had so desperately lost myself, I just wanted to be numb. To stop the caring. To just NOT feel for awhile. And so I began drinking. And with drinking typically brought more regrets, so I began taking prescription pain medication. Anything I could get my hands on that would just STOP the hurting.

I will never forget at 21 having a conversation with a childhood friend. We had both been high at the time, but he looked at me and said, "We know better than this. Our parents did better than this. What is wrong with us?" And I remember shrugging and saying, "We suck." Because that was the total sum of my feelings anymore. People are constantly pointing their fingers and asking, "Where were their parents?" You know where my parents were? Home. Trusting me. They had no reason to believe I was out doing the things I was doing because they had taught me right from wrong. They had raised me with good morals and values.

When I moved to Maryland at 22, I thought that would be an end to my partying. But you can't outrun your problems. And so I found myself hanging with the same crowds and getting into the same predicaments. Hating myself for not being able to change. When I met my husband in June of 2008, he was a breath of fresh air. I knew there was something different about him but could never put my finger on it. We had what one would call a "whirlwind romance". It was totally out of character for both of us, but we moved in together after 6 weeks of dating. Seriously, saying that out loud makes me cringe! I can't even imagine what my parents were thinking! But praise God, things worked out.

My husband is the son of a preacher, and from very early on in our relationship, he began having long talks with me about God. I wasn't raised going to church, but I had been to a few churches and youth groups and youth retreats throughout my life, and I knew I believed in God, but not really what it all meant. As I learned more from him, and eventually began going to church, I realized my need for salvation. I tearfully accepted Christ as my Savior on April 11, 2011.

The last 6 years has been the most amazing journey. The more that I learn about the Lord and His Word, the more that I thirst for a closer walk with Him. Over the last 6 years, I have been finding out who God created me to be. The girl that I hid away for so many years has emerged and I am loving who she is. She is broken, sinful, imperfect, wicked. But she is healing, hopeful, and redeemed in Christ. My sensitive heart that for so many years I protected with brick walls has broken forth. I am growing and evolving and learning and it is so beautiful.

I have learned most importantly that I can't live on my feelings. Feelings are indicators, not dictators. They can be utilized to see where growth and change is needed in your heart, but should not be used as a compass! My heart for 26 years was hard as a rock. Refusing to let anyone in to hurt me. And today, it's as pliable as Play Dough. Ready to be molded everyday by the Lord and to love everyone I come in contact with. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be this side of Heaven, but I am continuing to grow in the Lord and loving what He shows me everyday.

Is your heart hard? Do you need healing and redemption that can only be brought on by Christ? Please reach out to me, I would love to tell you how Jesus Christ, the Son of God, died on a cross for YOUR sins.

                                                                                                           Stay Knot Sew Fancy,
                                                                                                                      Cryssi

Hello, Autumn

Fall has always been my favorite season. The smell of burning leaves, the cloudy days, the beautiful foliage, scarves and hoodies, hot chocolate, pumpkin EVERYTHING. There are no shortage of reasons why I love Fall. It ushers in a sense of coziness that I have long adored.

I'm looking forward to the temperatures finally dropping (It's a balmy 86 degrees today) and doing ALL THE FALL THINGS. Bonfires, apple picking, baking, hikes, etc etc etc!

I'm hoping to go to the Renaissance Fesitval with my husband this weekend or maybe just get out and go on a hike somewhere. A friend posted a picture from a hike this weekend in West Virginia and the leaves are already changing! Ugh, my FAVORITE!

Fall tends to usher in this spirit of thankfulness and gratitude that I wish we all had year round. An appreciation for our lives and the people in it. Counting our blessings instead of our troubles.

Life can sometimes get the best of us. We turn on autopilot and we just begin letting life happen to us instead of actively participating. Instead of taking charge and purposing our steps, we allow life to boss us around...

Take a look around you. You woke up this morning. You have breath in your lungs, a beating heart. If you are here on earth today, you have a purpose. If you didn't, God would have already removed you. Find out your purpose. Seek the Lord and He will reveal it to you. Determine to LIVE life. Explore, learn, create, dream, hope...



                                                                                                          Stay Knot Sew Fancy,
                                                                                                                     Cryssi

Because I Wasn't Busy Enough Already...

Between working full time, serving as much as physically possible at our church, being an Independent Ambassador for Plexus, and managing our home, I felt as though I needed to add one more thing to my plate...a blog.

Honestly, I have loved to write as far back as I can remember. Journals, stories, poems, letters...you name it, I loved to write it. And even now, the majority of my profession requires me to write. I've always found it much easier to express myself with the written word than to say anything out loud. Out loud I stutter, stumble, and stammer my way through my feelings. But let me write, and my heart flows out through my fingertips.

My dad was very strict growing up and is not one of the easiest people in the world to talk to. And when he has something he really wants to communicate from his heart, he writes us letters. I think that's where I got it from. I keep those letters, and I love looking back on them from time to time. It's in these letters that I feel my father's heartbeat. That I know exactly why he was so strict and hard on us. That I know exactly how loved we are.

Writing in a journal has become harder over time. Taking the time to write out the thoughts in my head is hard because they come faster than I can put pen to paper. But typing...I'm a whiz at typing. And so I thought it would be easiest to share my heart with the world if I started this blog.

Not in a million years could I tell you what you will find here over time. Random musings, prayers, crafts, dreams...the possibilities are endless.


Let me paint the picture of who you're listening to ramble here...


My name is Cryssi. I'm 32 years old. I was born and raised in South Jersey where I grew up in your typical middle class home and had everything I needed and most of what I wanted. My parents are still married and have been together since 1977 when they met at 12 years old on the kickball field- I know, the cutest. I am the oldest of 4 and I have two awesome little sisters and the smartest little brother who is 10 years younger than me. Both of my sisters had baby boys 1 month apart this year and my parents are loving being grandparents finally.

I was the perfect kid. No, seriously, ask my mom! From birth until 17 I was a parent's dream. I got good grades, I rarely gave them a hard time, I loved to spend my time reading or playing softball. And then high school happened, and I lost myself. After 5 years of being rebellious and giving my parents more grief than they deserved, at 22 I moved to Maryland to live with my aunt and cousins to get a "fresh start" at life. I met my husband just short of a year later. We had what one would consider a "whirlwind romance" and we've now been married for 6 1/2 years. We began trying for children on our wedding night, and after a couple miscarriages and lots of doctor visits, we still don't have any children- but that's a whole separate post in itself. My husband was the first person to ever share the gospel with me, and in April of 2011 on the couch of our apartment, I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. The way in which He's transformed my life since then is nothing short of amazing to me, but that, again, is a separate post.

My husband works as an electrician and I am working in administration. I could bore you with the details of exactly what I do, but let's just say that it is government acquisitions and policy and while I'm grateful that I'm good at it, it is the very last thing I would pick for a job. But it is what God has provided and for that I'm grateful!

I serve as much as physically possible at our church. I'm involved in the choir ministry, nursery, I teach Sunday school and in a children's Bible ministry program on Wednesday nights, and I volunteer for anything that comes up that I am able to do. In fact, this past August, I went on a missions trip with a team from our church to Ghana, West Africa. It was such an amazing experience and I am forever grateful that God opened that door for me.

In my free time, I love to craft. All kinds of crafts! Number one is definitely crocheting. After I got saved, the Lord began removing sinful habits from my life- mainly smoking and drinking. As I had this idle time and nothing to do with my hands, God brought crocheting into my life and boy oh boy has it stuck!

You can't really embody what you are as a person in one little blog post, but I think this paints a pretty good picture of who I am. It excites me to know that this is the real me. For so many years I bent to the will of what everyone around me wanted me to be. So much so that I didn't even know who I was anymore. My thoughts, feelings, and opinions changed depending on who I was around. I praise God that He has been molding me into the woman He wants me to be. And because of that I live with the freedom to just be ME.

I hope you'll stick around and see how this blog pans out. It will be interesting if nothing else!

                                                                 

                                                                                                         Stay Knot Sew Fancy,
                                                                                                                      Cryssi